Nearing the End

Well, here we are—nearing the end.

The sacred end of life.

The end of an unthreaded mind.

The end of an identity.

The end of a 42-year marriage

The end of co-parenting and a joint bank account. 

The end of hope for healing.

The end of planning and anticipating.

The end of shared laughter and dancing in the kitchen.

The end of hugs, snuggles, and physical touch.

The end of blended earth suits journeying side by side.

The end of endings I have yet to experience.

The end of caregiving.

I am tired.

I am numb.

I am profoundly sad.

I am lost… and found.

I am swallowing past the lump in my throat and breathing through the deep ache in my chest.

I am exhaling more than inhaling.

I wipe what feels like endless tears, I eat little – enough to sustain, not savor.

I am heartbroken… and aware.

Then, gratitude

For Doug and Karen, us; each other, who lived through ordinary and holy.  

For the years, the love, the memories, the man – a forged life.

For the good and the not-as-good. Mostly good, no regrets.

For our beautiful children and grandchildren who share our DNA and our story.

For my devoted dog.

The next days and hours will be family:

Love

Intimacy

Peaceful grace

Tender earthly goodbyes

A home-going

Jesus

How will I (we) survive it?

One minute

One breath

One day at a time.

Karen